I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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