Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
