I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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