i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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