Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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