I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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