i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
