i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
