that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize