Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
