his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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