mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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