so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
