I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
