do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
