woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
