I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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