Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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