am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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