Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
