In the future we'll all be gay
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
