i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Found the puke drawer
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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