theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's rum buckets o'clock
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
