Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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