Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
