Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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