Someone shit on the floor
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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