Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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