you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
