quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
