THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
