youre lurking in front of me
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
