the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
