I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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