you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
