saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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