dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
