adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
