Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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