Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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