I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
