where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
