i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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