I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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