It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
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Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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