guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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