True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
