The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
