I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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