It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
