I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
