You're completely useless in the revolution.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
