i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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