I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
