Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
