You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
