how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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