'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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