If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
