i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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