I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
