what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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