I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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