So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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