we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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