I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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