Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
